Coping Skills Big Enough for the Holidays

There are coping skills out there that can get us through the biggest of trauma flashbacks and feelings soooo let’s pull out that toolbox and have them readily available for Thanksgiving Dinner and all the holiday events to follow.

Disappointing News

I’ll get this out of the way now- I’m sorry to let you down, but I don’t have any magic tools or potions to change what ___[you know who]___  will say or do (or not do). They have their stuff going on that may spill into the holidays and, unfortunately, onto you. 

Better News

What I can do is load you up with ways to help get you through those triggering, upsetting, sad, awkward, frustrating moments. 

How these coping skills + tricks work

Oh boy, I could go on for a while about how these tools work- explaining what’s happening in our brain and nervous system when we use them (despite many of them sounding simple, and even silly) …butttt… I am fully aware of the sense of urgency here- we have a toolbox to fill- so let’s get to it.

Ok, Let's Say Something Happened..

Perhaps...

Tension builds in a discussion

Voices get raised

Passive-aggressive comment

Criticism strikes again

That topic is brought up

Grief and sadness come to visit

General overwhelm, overstimulation

Beliefs hard to comprehend are voiced

Random reminder of a trauma

Anything that brings on a strong emotion

1^st: Notice it’s Time to Use a Holiday Coping Skill

Everyone’s signs are different, but see if you can notice when you’re starting to have a big feeling come on, get triggered. Maybe…

• your hands make fists?

• your leg vigorously shakes?

• your face gets hot?

• your legs are tightly crossed as many times as they feasibly can?

• you take a big sip of your drink and eagerly wait to speak next

• you get a pit in your stomach

• you feel the urge to clam up, turn invisible, “where can I go hide?”

• you feel your eyes well up

• ___________?

2^nd: Do One of These

In your mind:

• Name the foods you see + what color they are

  • Sounds silly/simple like I mentioned earlier, but it's distracting your mind, activating the logic/left side of your brain, giving less energy to the emotion/right side, focusing on something that's in the present moment which prevents past stuff from intensifying the now, gives you a break from thinking about the topic to prevent spiraling, interrupts fight/flight response, reduces overwhelm, and so much more.

  • I said I would refrain from explaining how these work so I'll come back now

• Describe everything about an item you see

  • It's size, colors, texture, length, weight, smell, etc.

• Read a sentence backwards

  • letter by letter

  • include all punctuations

• Pick a spot on the wall - Memorize everything you see around it- Close your eyes and repaint the picture in your mind

• Do a math problem in your head:

  • 107-3, -3, -3, -3 ,etc.

  • 67+34 =

  • 14 x 45 =

  • 216 / 4 =

• Scan for Safety

  • Look to your left

  • Slowly look to your right…. but, along the way, identify things that bring you comfort/safe feeling. (soft textures, a color, artwork that makes you smile, a plant, the sky, solidity of a table, cozy lamp, an object with a positive meaning)

Eat something Sour, Tart, Bitter, Intense, Pungent

• sour candy, lemon juice, mouthwash, vinegar, hot sauce, horseradish, capers

Smell something calming

Relax Your Body = Relax Your Mind

• Consciously relax each part of your body and your mind tends to follow. 

Take a 4-2-5 Breathe

• In the nose (for 4)

• Hold (for 2)

• Out the mouth (for 5)

Squeeze an ice cube

• get a cube from the freezer, squeeze it in your hand(s)

• envision channeling the emotion into the ice, allowing it to collect it for you (optional)

• Release the ice whenever you’re ready to (drop it, throw it against the ground outside/outdoor wall/etc.)

Put an Ice Pack on your Body

• Wrap an icepack from your freezer in a dishtowel so that it’s not too intense and hold it on your face/chest/body.

• You may also lay down with it resting on your body as you keep breathing with long exhales out the mouth.

Feet Squeeze Back-n-Forth

• Inhale (through nose) + Squeeze/grip your Right foot into the floor

• Exhale (through mouth) + Release/relax your foot

• Repeat on Left

Excuse yourself to the bathroom

Hold your Anchor Item

• Bring something with you, maybe fits in your pocket

• hold it when you need comfort

• notice it's texture as you hold it

Screen Shot These For Quick Access

when you need them most

Glance over them before the event so that they're fresh in your mind. It's hard to remember to use skills in the moment but if you JUST looked at them, it's more likely.

You've Got This

I'm sorry that you have to use these, I wish there wasn't a need, but I hope this will bring some empowerment, a sense of control, and can prevent feeling big things that you don't want to feel.

If you know what past events from your life bring up these big emotions, I'd love to help you heal permanently from them so that next year maybe you won't even need to use the skills.

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Start Healing w/ Brittani

Types of Therapy That Help

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Who Else Do You Know That Needs This?

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About the Author:

Brittani Antunes, MC, LPC

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